Sunday 3 July 2011

10 Songs You Must Hear.

I like music. So do you. Let's have a list. These 10 tracks aren't necessarily my favourites but they are definitely songs that you should all hear. Please, please give them a try.
In no particular order...

Sierra Leone - Mt. Eden Dubstep




There is this thing called Dubstep. There is this thing called Dubstep. There is this thing called Dubstep. Yes, everyone and their jewish accountants have heard of Dubstep. It is a dance music genre that has unleashed a napalm attack on our culture. The genre has been a part of the South London music scene since the very early 2000s and now there isn’t an artist on the radio who hasn’t allowed it’s influence to creep into their music. It’s how you say? Mahoosive!
But somewhere between it’s dingy Croydon early years and it’s mass culture saturation, Dubstep was a growing movement with a fuck load of potential, a fuck load of fans and a fuck load of wobble! Into that simmering scene, this song was released. It was the perfect time for it. This wasn’t the first Dubstep song I had ever heard but it was sure as hell the first one I fell in love with. It’s absolutely beautiful. It may be pretty simple but those wobbles oscillate with pin-point precision and the drop isn’t all that matters (it comes in actual movements, like real songs should). And yes, there is that awesome bitch saying “woah” alot. I usually don’t like the token girl-voice in DnB, designed to add some sort of tacky soulfulness to the song, but this girl is different. She actually sounds ethereal. I love it.
This song was, and still is (by far), my favourite song of that genre (I can’t remember what it’s called, right now). I listened to it on repeat and found it glorious on every listen. This was before Dubstep was shit and poppy. This was also before Dubstep “reacted” to the shit and poppy Dubstep by coming up with over emphasised grime for the sake of grime. This was when Dubstep was king. This track is fucking awesome, that middle section (you know what I’m talking about) is fucking awesome and let’s face it, even that picture is fucking awesome. So, come on, “Let’s have a game with happy and sad music”.

Like Dylan in the Movies - Belle & Sebastian



This song is from the album, “If You’re Feeling Sinister”. There isn’t much I can tell you about this album that Pitchfork won’t tell you but what I will tell you is that it has a song on it called “Like Dylan in the Movies”. That song. This song. This song right here.
Not everybody I know is particularly interested in twee, folk-pop indie but it’s hard to come across a person who has heard this song and doesn’t like it. So try it, and if you don’t like it...try it again. Still don’t like it? There’s something wrong with you.

Venus In Furs - The Velvet Underground



If you need me to tell you who this band is or why this song is amazing then you shouldn’t be reading my blog. Get out.

Nightingale/December Song - Sunset Rubdown



If you are familiar with “Wolf Parade” you will know that there are two singing styles in their songs. One is a very nice sound, and the other is a pretty weird one. Well, “Sunset Rubdown” is the solo project of Spencer Krug, the weirder singer. So what does the album sound like? Well, I guess it sounds a bit like “Wolf Parade” but weirder. Who would’ve guessed?
Alot of their Neo-Psychedelic, experimental art rock sounds a bit over ambitious and contrived, however this song simply sounds sweet and lovely. Yup, that’s about the best way to describe it. It’s just lovely. Aww.

Ooh La La - The Constructus Corporation



A couple of months back you may have come across the internet sensation that is the South African rap group, Die Antwoord. If you haven’t, type the word “Die Antwoord”, followed by “Enter the Ninja” or “Zeff Side” into Youtube. (I’ll wait). Awful isn’t it? Terrible? Cringey ? Awesome?? Yes it is all of those. As it turns out, for better or worse, this national embarrassment is actually a sort of, maybe joke by some performance artists from Cape Town. Either way, “The Constructus Corporation” is what Watkin Tudor Jones (Ninja) was doing before Die Antwoord destroyed our heads. This little known, shortlived (just the one album) hip-hop group are something very different. This track is probably my favourite in the whole world right now. It’s pretty strange. You should listen to their album simply to understand what hip-hop music can sound like with a little experimentation. I’ll give you an example:
This album is a two-disk masterpiece of a concept about a giant space ship/artificial planet, floating through space called “The Ziggurat” (complete with short skits involving “Random boy” and “Kidtronic”). If you were to go out and buy the album you would notice, one; that it can’t be found, and two; that it actually comes inside of a large pink graphic novel written by the band. Cool huh?! No, it really is.
If you like a little more rapping in your hip-hop you might like to try “Metatron One”, which has some of the best lyrics I have ever heard. Please love this song. I’d love it if you did. Oh, and if you like that Dubsteppy sound, you should remember that this song came out in 2002!

Fascination Street - The Cure



“Disintegration is the best album ever!” – Kyle Broflovski (South Park).
That’s right Kyle. It is.
“Disintegration” is my all-time favourite CD to put on and do nothing whilst listening to. Sure, I love to listen to music whilst sitting and chatting to friends, having sex, playing Tetris or browsing the internet (for movies, disturbing articles, Charles Manson interviews or porn) but not to this one. NO! The Cure deserve my full attention, and my full attention they shall have.
On any other day, at any other time, I’d be likely to go for the title track but today it’s “Fascination Street”. So why is this song so awesome? The drums. It’s got to be the drumming. Just listen to the pounding double clap. No wait, wait, I think it might be the chiming guitar. It sounds like it’s being played under water or through thick syrup. Fuck. No. I’ve got it. It’s definitely the keyboard. I could dance to that all day. Or is it the lyrics? Umm. I’ll tell you why Fascination Street is so good. ROBERT FUCKING SMITH!!
So, who else is going to Bestival this year?

Lovely Allen - Holy Fuck



OK, Come on. Doesn’t this one just make you smile? It’s just uplifting man. I really love Holy Fuck (and not just because of the name). Experimental Electronica can sometimes be such a bore. You just want something unpretentious that does what electronic music was designed to do – make you want to fucking dance...forever. Well, this does.
I was desperate to see these guys play Reading last year, so we bought some overpriced Tuborg and headed over to the NME stage. What happened? All my friends left. You guys suck! You should have waited for this one! Actually, somebody stayed. Farmer stayed. Farmer rules...and so does this song.

Monkey & Bear - Joanna Newsom



I don’t know how many words are said in this song. I don’t know how she remembers them. All I know is that this is 9 minutes 24 seconds of the most epic sounding love story on earth. Yes, she has the craziest lyrics the world has yet seen (except for maybe Current 93 and all their talk about the inmost light), but she’s also musically phenomenal. She plays a harp for fucks sake!
Weird 10 minute song – Check.
Trippy meandering lyrics – Check.
Musically satisfying – Check (Harp – Check).
Singing – Oh, wow, yeah. Her vocals are pretty damn eccentric. She sounds somewhere between a boy who’s voice is beginning to break and the sound your voice makes when you store air in your cheeks like a hungry little hamster. Really, she does. – Check.

Don't Be Afraid, You're Already Dead - Akron/Family



This song is from the album “Love Is Simple” and those very words are chanted like a mantra throughout the majority of the song in a tribal symphony, and for a moment, during this song, you start to think that those words might just be true. Even if it’s just for a second.
It’s really simple, it’s really slow and it’s really perfect (both love and this song). The message is right out there on it’s sleeve and it’s sung half hopefully and half resignedly sad, because the singer really isn’t sure whether the whole world will love each other forever after hearing the song. And we probably won’t, but if you love love then please listen to this. And “don’t be afraid...it’s only love”.

I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles



I was with someone last night who doesn’t like The Beatles. Don’t be that guy.


Uhh, so that's it I guess. Ciao. x.

Saturday 2 July 2011

A Spectre Is Haunting Blogger

Background Picture: "General view of the island Neveranger" - Adolf Wolfli.

Hello. My name is Christopher Michael Jones and this is my blog. This is my first real blog and this is my first post on it. 26 words in and I'd say it's going pretty well but I shan't get complacent; the mighty can fall at any time.
Right, well I'd like to take this opportunity (and I will), to introduce myself to you all.
So here I am...

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Yup, that's me.
I'd really like to clear this up once and for all, because I know you're all thinking it (and you know I know you're all thinking it, etc.), it really is the proverbial elephant in the room. So let's get it over with; IT ISN'T SEMEN! IT ISN'T FUCKING SEMEN!!

Oh, there I am again:

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Aww, don't I look happy? - (I'm not).

So that's me...and this is a big moth:

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So now you've seen me and you'll probably be wanting to know more. You'll probably be wanting to know all sorts of interesting things about the type of person I am and the various things about the world that make me think and feel deeply. Most of all, you'll probably want to know if I can make a picture of a witch out of salt. Well, I can. (See bottom for picture).
I came into this bewildering world on 25th December 1989 and now 21 years later I'm sat writing this blog. A bunch of stuff happened to me in the middle of that (including some awesome shit with my ass and a garden hose), but I guess that's all a little arbitrary. I could spend time telling you about all of that stuff and that it shaped who I am today, however I think we all know that that is somewhat obvious when a person has got to grips with the relatively simple idea of the linear passage of time and it's environmental factors, as is illustrated in this graph. (See fig. 1).

Diagram

So that's the past taken care of. WHERE AM I NOW? Well, I'm a cynical human being who has a rather starry-eyed perspective of the world. I bet you've never heard of that before? - I bet you've never cared either? Seriously though, I really am at a loss for words when I periodically peer around at this place and see the absolute apathy and ignorance we all tend to have (including me) about the state this shit is in. Do we give a fuck? Do we want to? The governments of the west are literally tearing the third world apart and destroying what's left of the humanity in our very souls. By systematically crushing every form of progressive, democratic government in developing nations and forcing unwanted globalization onto countries without the capacity to feed themselves, let alone us. We're literally raping the world. This isn't a joke. This isn't a fucking conspiracy theory. Everyday our governments are supporting opportunistic and murderous tyrants whilst torturing and killing those with a view to helping their people out of dire poverty, all in the name of supporting "democracy". There are wars going on that you don't even know about. There are people suffering that you've never even thought about. There is agony going on that you couldn't possibly imagine. It's fucked beyond belief.

BUT IS THERE HOPE?

There is always hope! (Unless you're hoping for this rant to end soon). There is hope because this world can be truly beautiful when it really wants to be. I know for a fact that there is genuine compassion and genuine love within everyone of us. I know that it can't always be like this because the sheer, unyielding power of expression and feeling that exists deep within all of our hearts is magnificent and raging. Can't you see how fucking beautiful we all are? How fucking astonishing this infinite consciousness is? Haven't we all, atleast once in our lives been brought to tears by seeing the capacity of our collective tenderness? We are love. We are the creators. WE ARE GODS! Except for David Blaine. He's not a god. he's just a douche.
So there's the starry-eyed cynic in me.

That's the past and the present. WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?

Well I'm going to post this blog and then I'm probably going to play some Tetris. Why? Because I like Tetris and I'm getting pretty fucking good, alright?!

Here's me playing Tetris:

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Here's me playing Tetris in a different hat:

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Here's me playing Tetris on the toilet:

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Well, I guess that just about wraps it up. As first posts go, it probably could have been better, but then again, it probably could have been alot worse. I'm really going to try my hardest to keep this up and post regularly. I'm also going to try to be as honest and straight forward as I can be. Don't worry, there's lot's to look forward to. I'm seething with ideas right now. How about a bunch of number 8s? 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 Fuck Yeah! When was the last time you saw that many 8s in a row on a website. And that's just the beginning. There's plenty more where that came from. who knows what could happen next. It's going off!!
So I guess this is goodbye for now. Have a great day everyone.
Peace. x.

(Oh, and here's the Salt Witch).

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